Rupert, We Need to Talk

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long Well she’s tired of you, too.
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin’ I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain Yogis are usually flexible.  Just sayin’.
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape Logistically, how does that work?
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me and escape

I didn’t think about my lady even though she’s sleeping right next to you
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine Ok, and? 
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad You dog.
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half bad Well, you’re a songwriter, so you’re sort of a poet.

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain

I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s where we’ll plan our escape So you’re just going to run away with someone from a personal ad.  Realistically, “she” could be anyone: a man, an 80 year-old, a six year-old.  This isn’t safe, Rupert.

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face Disappointed, are you?


It was my own lovely lady and she said, “Oh, it’s you.”

Then we awkwardly laughed for a moment and I said, “I never knew.”

That you like piña coladas and gettin’ caught in the rain Or that you were both going to leave each other because you’re both boring now.
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You’re the lady I’ve looked for, come with me and escape

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for, write to me and escape

Yes I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s where we’ll plan our escape