With all the Saved by the Bell I’ve been watching for research, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not a show to be binge-watched.  One episode at a time is plenty (often too much).  Also, I really can’t stand Slater.  Just everything about him.

“No Hope With Dope” is rated Y7, which means it’s supposed to be appropriate for kids 7 and up.  I’m not sure an episode with a drug-theme is appropriate for seven year-olds, but hey.  You do you, NBC.

In this episode, hot movie star Johnny Dakota, played by Frankie Valli-looking heartthrob Eddie Garcia, chooses Bayside to shoot his anti-drug PSA.  I’d venture to say Johnny Dakota is Bayside’s second biggest disappointment.  I’ll explore the first another time.

The gang really admires Johnny.

He’s friendly, talented, dreamy, and
drug-free…or is he?

Let’s dive in, shall we?

It’s a typical day at Bayside.  All the students are in the hall, and nobody has anywhere to be.  The gang finds out that THE Johnny Dakota is shooting an anti-drug public service announcement at Bayside.

1. When Lisa finds out that Johnny is coming to her school, she freaks out.  Zack quips, “Relax, you’re gonna crack your makeup,” and everyone laughs.  Good one, Zack.  (NOT.)

1. Johnny has no issue going for underage girls.

“How do you know Johnny isn’t the same age as Kelly and the others?” you ask. Because he tells Zack “When I was in high school” stories as if it were decades ago.

Zack, Slater, and Screech find a roach (of the marijuana persuasion) in the bathroom.

Johnny sees them holding it and assumes it’s theirs, but the guys insist they just found it.  Johnny believes them and flushes it.  After seeing how anti-drugs the guys are, Johnny decides he wants his new friends in the commercial.

Johnny has the gang over to his house for a real Hollywood party.


How old are the women (see: escorts) at this party attended by teenagers?

1. Lisa and Jessie squeal with excitement at Johnny’s party after they dance with A-list stars Storm Sutherland and Luke Diamond.  Those are some damn good made up Hollywood names.

Screech falls backwards off the couch and hurts his back, so the gang decides to take him home.  Johnny asks Kelly to stay.

Johnny takes a hit of pot and offers it to a terrified Kelly.

“C’mon, Kelly.  It’s only pot.”

Kelly isn’t into it, and she leaves with an equally disappointed Zack.

The gang decides they don’t want to be in Johnny’s stupid PSA because he’s a hypocrite.  Their dreams of being in a commercial aren’t dashed though, because of course Belding is childhood friends with the chairman of NBC, and they make their own PSA.  And it’s incredible.


While writing this blog I began to get distracted googling Eddie Garcia. I found this:

Apparently Eddie was in a “sketch comedy” TV show called Guys Next Door. Please watch the intro.  It made me cry.

Also in the show was Patrick Dancy.  He played pretentious snob Brian that Lisa dated on SBTB.  Remember??

(Cardigan+glasses+book=smart person)

I also found this picture of Eddie with Michael Jackson and Bubbles!

But in conclusion:
Johnny Dakota?

Dumb, stupid, crazy, dangerous.  Dope.

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